Think about what you feel after you finish crossdressing. I’m sure it’s not like this for all crossdressers, so please withhold your judgment if this doesn’t fit for you. But for most of us the feelings of shame, disgust, and feeling dirty come right after crossdressing. From talking to so many crossdressers over the years, I know this is very common. And the search terms that I look at that have brought people to my blog reveals that many other crossdressers who I haven’t yet talked to also feel the same way.
It’s quite a strange thing. You might feel like crossdressing is the best thing in the world as you doing it. You are caught up in feeling like a woman, having a different identity, or perhaps feeling like your true self in some mysterious way. You might be caught up in great sexual pleasure. But then after the sexual release, everything suddenly changes. One minute you were looking in the mirror and seeing an attractive woman and enjoying looking at yourself. But after masturbating, suddenly the woman becomes a weird looking man in a dress. The deception flounders and dies. You now feel guilty and full of shame. You feel you have betrayed yourself in some sense. You suddenly no longer desire the crossdressing. Crossdressing suddenly seems messed up. To me this shows the power of a sexual sin frenzy. During a time of giving in to sexual sin, our minds become so foggy and polluted that we don’t fully realize what we are doing. The sexual pleasure overcomes rational thought. Then only afterward can we see crossdressing for what it really is.
But for those of you who are married, now contrast the feeling you have after crossdressing with the feeling that you have after making love to your wife. They are completely different feelings. Whether or not you have a great sex life, having sex with your spouse does not leave you feeling dirty, messed up, perverse, or ashamed. It feels sexually good, but it also feels emotionally and spiritually good.You enjoy the closeness with your wife. Even after the sexual release, you can enjoy staying together, hugging each other, and talking together. You don’t need to run away in shame. You may even fall asleep in each other’s arms. It’s a very romantic afterglow utterly unlike the afterglow of crossdressing.
So perhaps we should not judge our activities based on how sexually pleasurable they are, but rather on how we feel about ourselves afterwards. Adultery, pornography, crossdressing, and any other number of things might be incredibly pleasurable, but how do we feel afterward? Do we feel rotten about ourselves? Do we feel like we betrayed ourselves or the people we love? Or does the sexual activity cause us to love someone else even more and feel good about ourselves at the same time? We need to try not to live only for the moment. Think about the aftermath. I encourage you to reflect further on this. Pursue your spouse not your addiction.