How much of our crossdressing desire is related to having been rejected by girls when we were younger? Or for some of us, how much of our ongoing crossdressing failures are related to smaller rejections by our girlfriends or wives today?
So many of you men that I’ve talked to have similar stories to me in that when we were younger, we were either directly rejected by girls if we had the courage to ask them out, or we were indirectly rejected by girls through our shyness or lack of interaction with them, or in my case, both. It seems to me that at least one of the many reasons our crossdressing desires developed in the first place, is that our crossdressed-self became a replacement for real women. It was an easy substitute. There is much less pressure and much less anxiety. You don’t have to know how to act, you don’t have to fumble with what to say, you just dress up and wow, there is a woman there with you, dressed in whatever sexy clothes you want!
Does this accurately describe your experience?
I’ve realized that the same thing can happen to crossdressers who are married. If they feel unloved or rejected by their wives, they may turn to crossdressing instead. I’ve written about this some in the post – Becoming the woman my wife is not. But this is just retreating further into pain and rejection. It’s retreating further away from what God wants for you and your wife. It’s retreating further away from yourself. It’s adding pain to pain. It’s adding shame to pain. And after crossdressing, even if your wife does not know about it, you will feel even less confident before her as a man. You will feel much less like a man. Women are attracted to confidence and strength, not men who are always hiding secrets and feeling shame. So ironically, your retreat into crossdressing might only make her rejection of you worse. You become more of a weak emasculated man, and she desires you even less.
As I’ve healed from crossdressing, I’ve learned to be a more confident and strong man, and this has helped my marriage. If I do experience any feelings of rejection, I don’t allow it to make me retreat into crossdressing. I am stronger than that. I am going to be myself, and even if sometime I have to deal with rejection, I will endure it, rather than shaming myself in a confused addiction. If you face rejection and pain, whether you are married or not, don’t retreat into immorality. Go to God. In Christ, he amazingly loves and accepts you. He is with you and will never leave you. He is the one who gives you strength to resist sin, and the one who gives you perseverance to make it through hard times and suffering. Jesus will never ever ever reject you or me. We are accepted once and forever.