I am frustrated with myself and other crossdressers for expecting or even ever once having a hope for our wives to act as lesbians. If you are a Christian and believe homosexual behavior is sinful, than trying to get your wife to act this way with you (while you are crossdressed) is just utter perverse debauchery. I refer to crossdressing during sex, but also crossdressing at all in your wife’s presence. She married a man, and wanted marital companionship with a man. If you are one of those crossdressers who says they are a part-time man, and when crossdressed, just act as a womanly friend of your wife, than you are still cheating your wife. You are supposed to be spending time with your wife as a husband, not a part-time girlfriend. You are forcing your wife to enjoy part of her marital intimacy in a lesbian way.
Furthermore, even if you think homosexual behavior is not immoral, surely you must realize that not all people have same-sex atraction. Forcing someone to live in a pseudo-lesbian relationship with you while you are crossdressed, that is still messed up and wrong. Imagine if the situation was reversed, and your wife wanted you to somehow be attracted to her dressed up as a man, especially in the bed, and yet you know you don’t experience any same-sex attraction at all. That was not what you signed up for in marriage. You crossdressing is not what she signed up for. If you are unwilling to give up crossdressing, so be it, but don’t force your wife into situations that she is not suited for, uncomfortable with, or thinks are immoral for her.
One thing that amazes me connected to this subject is how many wives or girlfriends tolerate crossdressing, and they then say that they have become lesbian or bisexual and learned how to live with their crossdressed or transsexual spouse. Trust me there are plenty out there. Articles, news articles, and blogs reveal relationships like this all the time. In a culture that says same-sex attraction is not a choice, it’s interesting how many women have sexual feelings that change when their husband starts living part-time or full-time as a woman. I am not sure how the general culture make sense of this sexual fluidity. It seems like such stories are celebrated even though they seemingly go against the arguments that our sexuality cannot be changed. Personally, I do not think we can choose who we are attracted to. Some people clearly seem to be born with same-sex desires. We don’t choose to be predisposed to those kinds of attractions or not. But I also believe that all of us can slowly change and learn new sexual feelings and attractions, even if it takes a lifetime of work. Just look at the new sexual desires people learn when they look at pornography and they slowly delve into other fetishes and perversions. That’s why I think so many people who become sexually deviant in one area, learn to be sexually deviant in other areas as well. They experiment and try new things and learn to enjoy other types of sexual desire. Conversely, we can learn to desire what God wants us to desire. Maybe some of these women have learned to enjoy new kinds of sexual sin. But I also wonder how many of them really don’t like their husband’s crossdressing at all, but for the sake of loving him and because they dread the idea of divorce, they pretend that they enjoy it and are attracted to it.
I’d like to challenge us, those of us who are Christians, those who think giving in to homosexual behavior is sinful, to treat our wives in a godly way. Don’t expect her to become your lesbian lover. Don’t expect her to be okay with trading her husband for a pretend wife. Even if you would never “force” your wife into anything like this, also make sure you don’t try to manipulate her into it either. It’s true that your wife would technically still be loving you, a man, and not another woman. But why would we want to talk our wives into acting out lesbian feelings in her heart and mind? Next time you are tempted to crossdress, think about this and shut down that temptation.