In my struggle with crossdressing, many Bible verses have been helpful to me. I’ve studied them, memorized some of them, and often read them after failures. I’ll periodically mention and comment on some of them and how they relate to our fight with sexual sin. For those of you who are still struggling, it would surely help you to write some of these down and read them daily, or in times of temptation, or after a failure when you need to be built back up by God’s Word.
Job 31:1-4 –
1 “I made a covenant with my eyes
not to look lustfully at a girl.
2 For what is man’s lot from God above,
his heritage from the Almighty on high?
3 Is it not ruin for the wicked,
disaster for those who do wrong?
4 Does he not see my ways
and count my every step?
The main point of the book of Job is to grapple through questions of suffering and God’s sovereignty. But there are other interesting things to get out of the book as well, such as looking at Job’s righteous life as an example for us. Here we see that Job strove hard to never lust after other women. For us as crossdressers, we may not often struggle with lusting after other women, but we lust after the woman of our own creation, our own longing. And we lust after objects of clothing. Let’s make a covenant with our eyes not to look lustfully at women’s clothing. I like verse 4 as well, as a good reminder that God sees all that we do.
Psalm 6 –
For the director of music. With stringed instruments. According to sheminith. A psalm of David.
1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
2 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.
3 My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?
4 Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.
5 No one remembers you when he is dead.
Who praises you from the grave?
6 I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.
7 My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes.
8 Away from me, all you who do evil,
for the LORD has heard my weeping.
9 The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.
10 All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed;
they will turn back in sudden disgrace.
This is a great Psalm of confession to personally pray to God after a failure in sin of any kind. It also can be helpful to pray this psalm while asking God to give you some relief or deliverance from crossdressing temptations.
Mat. 5:6 –
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
This is a wonderful promise by Jesus. Firstly, we will be filled by the perfect righteousness of Jesus when we have faith in him. That righteousness is how we are justified before God and saved. Secondly, if we thirst for righteousness in our struggle with crossdressing, God will give us the strength we need, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to resist that sin in our lives. True Christians will always be people who thirst for righteousness. No matter if we fall here and there with sin, we will keep on repenting, confessing, and seeking to live a righteous and obedient life.
Mat. 5:27-30 –
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
This is part of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount in which he talks about how he came to fulfill the Law, not to abolish it. A lot of Christians and non-Christians think that Jesus just wants us to love, and he doesn’t care about rules and laws, and he isn’t a person who talked about punishment and judgment. Actually Jesus talked about hell more than anyone else in the Bible, like he does here. We need to take this threat of Hell seriously. We are saved by grace, not works. But true Christians do not live in sin. If your life is characterized by sins that Jesus is describing, you are in danger of Hell. If you are born again, you receive a new heart and the Holy Spirit to live in you, and you no longer live in sin, but daily fight against it, and repent and confess when you fail.
And Jesus did not come to take away the law, but he fulfilled it. And he shows us here that it is not just what we do that matters, but even what is in our hearts and minds, and what are motivations are. This passage always reminds me that if crossdressing is sinful, than so is fantasizing about crossdressing while masturbating, and so is reading stories about crossdressing for pleasure. Even just daydreaming about crossdressing on purpose is sin. This is a really important truth. If you are going to find freedom from crossdressing addiction, don’t ignore your heart and mind. It’s not enough to simply stop the outward action.
But further, this passage shows how serious we must be about ridding ourselves of as much temptation as we can. Certainly, we can never take away all temptation. But if certain articles of clothing hidden in your closet are tempting you, throw them out! If you still have female clothing, give it to Goodwill. Don’t keep a raging fire in your house that will be sure to burn you. Keeping that clothing because you might want to give in in the future and you don’t want to lose money, is really just setting yourself up for future failure. You are planning to sin. You can’t beat your addiction while planning to sin in the future. Imagine a crack addict keeping the drug in the house while trying not to relapse? It’s foolishness. We must seek to reduce temptation. If the internet is causing you to fail in crossdressing fantasies or pornography, get rid of it, or get a filter! Get an accountability partner. Ask your wife not to leave clothes lying out. Don’t spend time alone during times of temptation. Don’t take trips alone. Do whatever you have to do to reduce temptation. These are wonderfully helpful and powerful verses for us.
Luke 17:3-4 –
3So watch yourselves. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. 4 If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”
This is Jesus teaching us about forgiveness. This is a great verse to memorize if you are an accountability partner to someone else. Forgive and forgive just as God forgives and forgives. And remind your friend who failed, that they are completely forgiven in Jesus, even if they fail again and again, as long as they truly trust in Christ for their salvation and are repentant of their sin. This is also a great passage to meditate on in marriage. Every marriage needs forgiveness, as husbands and wives inevitably hurt each other every week, no matter how strong the marriage is. But especially in marriages that have been hurt by sexual sin, forgiveness is the only way for the marriage to survive.
John 8:34-36 –
34 Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. 35 Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
There can be freedom from crossdressing. Don’t believe the lies that it is not possible to really give it up. We can not only stop crossdressing, but we can have freedom in the stopping. I will not promise complete relief from the desire to crossdress, though that is also possible. But even if the desires come here and there, you can still have a life of freedom without crossdressing and a joyful good life.
John 14:15 –
15 “If you love me, you will obey what I command.
What does it mean to love Jesus? To obey what he commands. And Jesus affirmed the Old Testament Law. God’s commands for what is morally right and morally wrong have not changed. So we still need to obey laws like Deuteronomy 22:5. Even if Deut. 22:5 wasn’t in the Bible, we still need to obey Jesus’ commands to be sexually faithful to our spouses, so that means no crossdressing.
Psalm 32 –
Of David. A maskil.
1 Blessed is he
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
2 Blessed is the man
whose sin the LORD does not count against him
and in whose spirit is no deceit.
3 When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night
your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.
5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD”—
and you forgave
the guilt of my sin.
6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you
while you may be found;
surely when the mighty waters rise,
they will not reach him.
7 You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.
9 Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.
10 Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD’s unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in him.
11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous;
sing, all you who are upright in heart!
This is another great Psalm of confession and forgiveness. I like verses 8-9 as well. We don’t want to have to be controlled like animals who are stubborn. We should freely obey God because it is the best thing for us to do. Use this Psalm when you need to confess after a crossdressing failure. Confess, and then start living in obedience and freedom again, after enjoying God’s grace and forgiveness.