In my struggle with crossdressing, many Bible verses have been helpful to me. I’ve studied them, memorized some of them, and often read them after failures. I’ll periodically mention and comment on some of them and how they relate to our fight with sexual sin. For those of you who are still struggling, it would surely help you to write some of these down and read them daily, or in times of temptation, or after a failure when you need to be built back up by God’s Word.
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11 Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
We need to set our minds on heavenly things, not earthly things. I know for me that when I gave in to crossdressing, it consumed me. It became my all consuming focus and that was all I thought about. Obviously this passage is not directly about crossdressing, but for me it is a good reminder of how crossdressing draws my eyes to earthly things that don’t matter, rather than to things of eternal significance.
We need to “put to death” sexual immorality, impurity, and lust. Oh how often I said, “its okay if you give in to it once in a while, as long as you manage it.” No. This is not okay. We must put it to death, chop off its head, slice it in two, burn it with acid, until it is no more. If we allow it, even a little bit, it will keep on growing. And besides, why allow a little bit of something that is evil? Why allow a little bit of something that we know God is angry about?
We used to walk in those ways when we were not Christians, and some of us when we were Christians. But no more. Let us give up those old ways of death and darkness and bondage. And let us be truthful to one another, not lying to our spouses, and not lying to those who hold us accountable. When they ask us if we have failed, let us be honest. Let us be honest about our failures, and honest about our victories.
And let’s be the kind of men God created us to be, exemplifying the virtues of verse 12. True men of God are compassionate, gentle, humble, kind, and patient. And let us forgive each other when we fail. When your brother falls into crossdressing and confesses to you, assure him of God’s forgiveness. When your brother lies to you about this subject, but then confesses to you later, forgive him.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8
3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8 Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.
I cannot read this passage without thinking about crossdressing. It so very well describes what my life used to be like. I was out of control, not having self-control. I was giving in to passionate lust, acting as if I didn’t know God. We need to learn self-control. God wants us to be holy. The Holy Spirit is continually helping us through the process of sanctification, the process of being made holy. We aren’t there yet, but we are on the way, and the process will be finished when Jesus comes again and makes us new. God wants us to be holy, to look different from other people, and act differently. He wants us to look and act like himself.
2 Timothy 2:22
22 Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
I like this verse because it presents us with a choice. We cannot have both fulfillment of the evil desires of youth and also have righteousness, love, and peace. The verse is also very stern and blunt. We are not just to walk away from sin, but to FLEE! We might look like an idiot running away from female clothing, but if that’s what we have to do, we need to do it. We need to run, run away as fast as we can, like Joseph ran away from Potiphar’s wife.
11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. 15 These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you.
This passage seems self-explanatory, but don’t read it over too quickly. What is it that teaches us to say “no” to unrighteousness? We could come up with a lot of correct sounding answers. But in this passage, the answer is “God’s grace.” It is God’s grace which is teaching us to say “NO” to sins like crossdressing. So often I have read people online say that I quit crossdressing because I was afraid of going to Hell or because I was legalistic. But the reality is that my motivation was God’s grace. He has forgiven me, and loved me, and transformed my life. Because of his love for me first, I want to love him in return. I want to obey him out of thanksgiving and gratitude for his grace. I have been transformed by his grace, and that is what taught me to say “no” to sin.
The passage talks of “waiting.” Waiting is hard. People in our culture want instant gratification. But we need to resist sin and wait patiently. Resisting the sin in this present age is going to be tough, it’s going to be hard. But one day our struggle with sin will be over. One day we will stop feeling like we are giving up on pleasure that we want. Life is short. Self-denial is not as unrealistic as most crossdressers make it out to be. We just have to have self-control for this short life, and then when Jesus returns we will no longer have that struggle and we can enjoy eternal life with him forever on his new heavens and earth.
the last thing to point out is a word about judgment. Just about every day on my blog, or on the news, or in real life, I hear someone say that the Bible teaches us to never judge other people. That is simply not true at all. And this passage is one of a plethora of examples. “Rebuke with all authority.” There is a place for judging and calling out sin among other Christians, of course doing so in love and gentleness.