I’d like to share one tiny piece of advice about something you can do to help you in your healing from crossdressing. This is something that can help us realize how wrong and strange crossdressing is, and also will help you at the specific times that temptation comes. Simply force yourself to imagine your wife crossdressed, that is, her dressed to appear as a man. I won’t go into details, but think about the lengths that you go to appear as a woman, and imagine your wife doing similar types of things but in order to appear as a man. If you imagine this, you are surely very quickly disturbed and disgusted. It seems very wrong and so very unattractive. So why would I ask you to do such a thing? Doing this accomplishes three things:
1. It will help you to understand what your wife feels when she thinks about you crossdressed. Or if you’ve never told your wife, it will help you to imagine how she would feel if she were to know. How can you expect her to accept your crossdressing when it is so unnatural and disturbing? Sure, it might feel good to you, but imagining your wife crossdressed lets you jump into her mental shoes and see things from her point of view.
2. It cuts through your rationalizations that crossdressing is normal or healthy or natural or good. When you imagine her crossdressed, you come to realize that even you as a crossdresser, deep down you still think crossdressing is unnatural, wrong, and messed up.
3. This imagining can be used as a quick way to diffuse a crossdressing temptation. “I really would love to put on that slinky red dress.” But then quickly think about your wife crossdressed and all of a sudden crossdressing seems gross and not desirable.
If you really want to get deep into your wife’s mental shoes and look at your crossdressing addiction really objectively, then take the imagination further. Imagine her lying to you about spending hours alone dressed up in men’s clothes and masturbating. Imagine her desiring her image in the mirror much more than she desires you. Imagine her secretly putting on your clothes while you are not home. Imagine how fun it would be if she asked and begged you: “please can we have sex while I’m dressed as a man, it’s just not enjoyable otherwise. I need this, it’s part of who I am.” Or imagine her coming to you and saying, “I’ve been living a lie. I’m really a man and I’m going to start living as one and get the necessary surgeries and treatments. You need to accept this part of me or we have to get divorced. This is who I am.” Imagine what your wife would need to do to mimic a man’s genitals. Imagine your wife binding up her breasts, those breasts that you love to look at and caress. If that thought bothers you, than imagine how your wife would think of you tucking your penis, smashing it up in places where it doesn’t naturally go.
I realize that this imagining might not work for everybody. Perhaps some would be turned on by the thought of their wives crossdressed. Perhaps some would really desire to have their wives crossdressed as men while they are crossdressed as women. But I would guess that for most of us, (those of us trying to give up crossdressing), this would be a helpful way to cut through stupid rationalizations and diffuse temptations. We can get so deluded after a while and our crossdressing might start to seem so harmless or normal. We might even think we are beautiful and wonder why people think we look so strange. But if we look at things from their point of view we can see how not normal, how unnatural, and ugly it really is.
What really gets me is this: If I, an ex-crossdresser, can imagine my spouse crossdressed and be disgusted, how much more would a normal person who is not a crossdresser be disgusted by the thought of someone crossdressing in these ways?!