We can stand our ground, brace ourselves, learn self-control, and resist in the face of strong urges to crossdress. But that gets tiring. So many crossdressers that come to this site try quitting and they find that they can do so. But then they get weary and say, “how long will I keep having to face the urges to crossdress?” As I’ve written about before, I don’t think the urges will ever fully go away for most of us. But that doesn’t mean they won’t lessen dramatically. I have experienced a great reduction in my crossdressing urges. They are perhaps about 10% of what they were 15 years ago. Many things have helped me to even desire crossdressing less and less.
I was reminded about the most important one recently when listening to a sermon by Pastor Francis Chan. I don’t have a link for it. But he had a great illustration. Think about those times when you are driving and a friend is in another vehicle and tries to get your attention. They wave, honk, and do everything they can but you don’t notice them. You only find out later that they saw you and were trying to get your attention. But your attention was 100% focused on the road, trying to drive safely and not get in an accident, 100% focused on getting where you were going. Chan likens this to our Christian life. We are all of us constantly bombarded by temptations to sin, whether it’s for sexual immorality like pornography or crossdressing, or other sins like greed, pride, and selfishness. But if we focus on God, we will notice those temptations less and less because our attention is fixed.
I have found this to be so true. The guys that come here and just sit at home and thinking about the temptations, end up failing and giving in. We have to have our focus on other things. If you focus on the temptations, you give them power. I’m not saying to suppress them and pretend they aren’t there. But if you are tempted, acknowledge it, choose “no” and them move on and think about other things. The more we have purpose in life and good things to do, the more we are pursuing Christ and his Kingdom in all aspects of our lives, the less that stupid things like crossdressing will be a draw for us.
If we are bored by life, depressed, not having anything productive to do, focused on ourselves rather than God, feeling alone, feeling worthless, feeling purposeless and drifting through life, that is when we will notice all the temptations to crossdress and feel like we must give in, or grow weary in resisting.
This has been my experience. When I am focused on God, his great love for me, my love for him, what Jesus did for me on the cross, when I am focused on Christ’s Kingdom and my place in it, running the race, helping people, preaching the Word, volunteering my time, and doing productive work, that is when I am filled with joy, that is when temptations don’t even seem to be there at all. It becomes easy to resist, because I don’t even notice the urges.
Men, let us find our purpose and joy in Christ, and pursue him and his Kingdom. It’s like the old hymn, Turn your Eyes Upon Jesus –
Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of Earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace