Questions and Comments?

This page is where you can give me your general comments about this ministry or ask me specific questions. You can also suggest topics for me to write about or suggest improvements to this website. Just comment below. Concerning questions, I reserve the right to say “I don’t know!” If you need to contact me privately, see my “About Me” page.

If you comment below asking for prayer, I promise to pray for you, and others in this community will pray for you as well.


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    Why is this an unsecured site?

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    Do you have information on parents dealing with young adult Crossdressing.

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      This may be a good place to look.
      It is one of the many links that Barnabas has listed in the resources.

  3. Barnabas

    Linda, I haven’t written a lot on that, but this post should be a helpful start to you:

    Then if you look at my links page,
    There are a lot of links and articles there that will guide you on that issue.

    Here is one article that is part of a series of 4 articles –

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      Thank Barnabas I will read those links. We are looking for a rehab (not in Texas Oklahoma or New Mexico) for our son. He needs a mental and drug addition rehab. Any suggestions on who to talk to that would be a Christian facility too? Thank you for your assistance

      • Barnabas

        Linda, I’m sorry, I don’t have a good idea of how to answer that question. I’m not familiar with drug and addiction rehab centers. Just try to do some internet searching, but you can look through the organizations on my links page and see if they have links to addiction centers on their pages. You could also try contacting some of them to see if they can link you to a center.

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    Wondering about Thorin? And looks like an excellent site to continue my support as a struggling wife. Thank you!

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    I am a cross dresser. I am in my late fifties and have cross dressed all of my life with memories going as far back as my early childhood. The thrill of pretending to be something I’m not, accompanied by the sensation from the feel of the clothes, and more recently the application of makeup, gave me a high I wished would never have to end. Stepping forward to today, I recently came out to my wife, of almost thirty years, about my cross dressing. Through a chain of events, self caused by my own carelessness, I decided to confess my need to cross dress to her. The fear that gripped me for all those years of getting caught was transferred to a new fear of what would happen next. To my surprise All my years of secretes, lies and deception were met head on by my wife’s enduring love, caring heart and her deep devotion to Jesus Christ. There was also a sickness in her stomach from the hurt that went along with this shocking admission, accompanied by several sleepless nights for both of us. The guilt, in my heart was real, and is still, that I caused her this hurt and I didn’t know how to explain this away or convince her things are going to be okay. At first she didn’t want to talk to me about it, as I tried to get her to read articles as they related to my cross dressing, she just let me know she was praying for me and this addiction. Truth is, I never even thought in terms that my cross dressing was an addiction. I have never been a smoker or drinker and have never used drugs in a leisurely manner, so the thought of being addicted to something never crossed my mind until now. Meanwhile, over the last month my cross dressing desire, instead of cooling off to allow time to heal, increased. I wanted to take it further and step out to a couple of local cross dresser events in my area. I had never been outside the home and in my mind this seemed like the logical next step if she wasn’t willing to talk about my need verbally. I even had other cross dressers applauding my determination to join them. Thinking her silence was my excuse to believe she was acceptable too it on a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” basis, I continued to make the plans of how I was going to leave my sheltered country neighborhood in stealth mode and join other’s who thought like me. What I didn’t realize, is that my praying and deeply concerned wife was reading. She was reading the Bible and saying prayers from a book called The Power of a Praying Wife, by Stormie Omartian. She was searching the web looking for Christian resources that offered support on the topic of cross dressing and transgender issues. She brought me an article from Focus On The Family and asked me to please read it. I did read it and over the last week I have searched out other resources on line that discussed the Christen view on this topic, and that search is what eventually lead me to this site. I have a lot of reading to do still, I find the articles to have a parallel relation to my own struggles. The story described by Barnabas of his cross dressing and how it affected his life is very similar to my story. The part of the story where he conquers his addiction through God’s help, is the story I want to be mine, as well. I think about if I never had gotten careless and then never had felt the need to tell my wife about my cross dressing before she found out through others, things would be just moving along in the same order as before with Me Cross Dressing, Me Lying, Me being Deceitful, Me not looking for help. My wife and I started attending, for the first time in years, a community Christian church. Its so strange to be sitting there and feeling that the Minister is directing his sermon of God’s love and understanding and on how Time is our greatest asset, and time is also the one thing we don’t have enough of, towards my life and getting things right with God. Thank You, Barnabas. This site has been a blessing to find, and I truly hope, and I need to pray, that it helps me on a road to recovery from my addiction and hopefully to salvation. I thank God for his love, and for love I have from my beautiful wife, with them working together, I feel some hope. KP

    • Barnabas

      KP, thank you so much for the comment and for sharing your story. I’m happy to hear that you want to follow my example and be free from addiction to crossdressing. It’s not necessarily easy to give it up, but like other addictions, it is totally worth any effort that you put in to give it up. It is wonderful to live a life free of it. I will pray for you right now.

      If you are serious about wanting to give it up, I welcome you to join our prayer group:

      Keep reading my posts and commenting if you have time

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    I am so grateful for being led to this site. It has brought my husband and I information, resources and hope we desperately need right now.

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    Is there anyone I can talk too. I have never crossdressed but I have the urge to do so.

    • Barnabas

      I emailed you Anakin

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    Have struggled with crossdressing for many years.

    It started when I was fairly young when I had gotten my clothes very dirty and had to stay overnight with a female relative. It wasn’t planned, so I didn’t have any other clothes to wear. I took a bath and she started my clothes soaking. While she had my clothes in the laundry, she found me something to wear for the rest of the evening and to bed. She had no boy clothes for me, so when I got to the bedroom, I saw that the clothes she had laid out for me to wear were a pair of panties and a nightgown. I hadn’t tried on girl’s clothing before, but I put them on. It felt strange being dressed like a girl, but she acted like it was no big deal. The fabrics were so different to what I was used to wearing. The panties were stretchy nylon that fit me really well and the gown was a silky material. They felt nice and I liked wearing them better than my normal boy clothes. The next morning, my clothes weren’t ready yet, so I had to wear the panties and nightgown a bit longer. While waiting on my clothes, I went back to the bedroom I had slept in and started looking through the closet and drawers in the room and found a lot more girl’s clothing including skirts, dresses, shoes, and other things. I had a strange urge to try those girl’s clothes on. I took off the nightgown and put on a bra. I looked at myself in the mirror on the closet door and stuffed the bra with some socks and put on some girl’s nylon socks and started trying on clothes. I tried on skirts and tops and found some shoes that fit. I took that outfit off and tried on some dresses. I must have lost track of time, because it didn’t seem like it was very long before she came into the room with my clothes. I felt like I had been caught doing something I shouldn’t have been doing, but again she acted like it was nothing and told me I looked very pretty. I didn’t hear many positive things as a child and had low self-esteem, so that made me feel good. She told me my clothes were ready, so I could change into them, or I could play in the girl’s clothes as long and I didn’t get them dirty. I should have stopped right then, but I liked the way those girl’s clothes felt and feeling pretty, so I kept wearing girl’s clothes and enjoyed spinning around to watch the skirt flare out. I stayed dressed as a girl all day and didn’t put on my own clothes until she told me my mom was coming to pick me up. I felt sad having to dress in my own clothes, but did. I left hoping I’d be able to stay overnight with her again.

    I would never blame her for my sins, but it might have helped if she had discouraged my dressing instead of allowing me to do it and affirming it.

    Back home, I sneaking in my sister’s room and looking at her clothes. She had some of the same type of nylon panties and socks I had worn before, so I borrowed some. I wearing her panties and socks, and she had some other clothes that fit me, so I began secretly wearing her skirts and dresses. Our feet were similar in size, so I practiced walking in heels. I liked dressing like a girl but also felt ashamed about doing it and sneaking around and was always worried about getting caught. I didn’t have a lot of friends and the friends that I had were girls. I remember having thoughts that life would have been easier for me if I was a girl. I seemed to feel better about myself when I was wearing girl’s clothing. I don’t know if my sister suspected anything or knew what I was secretly wearing her clothes, but she surprised me one day by asking me to play dress up with her. I tried to act like I wasn’t really interested in doing it, but finally agreed like she had talked me into it, but it was something I didn’t like. She kept giving me outfits to try on and some wigs I wasn’t aware my mom had that were located. She put makeup on me and when I was all dolled up, she told me how pretty I looked. When mom got home, she introduced me as her friend and gave a girl’s name. My mom only smiled and said he looks cute.

    When I did stay with the female relative again, I had a change of clothes and clothes to wear to bed, but she left that same nightgown I had worn before on the bed. Instead of wearing the clothes I brought, I wore that nightgown again and panties to wear with it.

    My sister got older and stopped wanting to play dress up with me, but I continued dressing alone in secret and would save clothes and shoes that she didn’t want and added them to my secret pile of girl’s clothing. Dressing like a girl became a game and I was dumb and didn’t think I would get caught and started taking risks including wearing my sister’s panties full time. It didn’t last long because my mom, while taking care of the laundry, noticed that my sister was using a lot more panties than she should have been and an almost empty drawer and I didn’t have any underwear in the laundry, but an almost full drawer of underwear. My mom looked at me, and to confirm her suspicions, she had me pull down my shorts in front of her and pull my shirt up. She saw I was wearing my sister’s panties. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I looked at my sister. My sister didn’t seem mad, but was more in shock as she stared at me wearing her panties like she didn’t believe what she was seeing was really happening. I was severely punished in front of my sister and told never to wear her panties again.

    I lived in fear that my sister would tell everyone her brother had been wearing her panties, but she didn’t. She and my mom acted like it never happened. I tried to stop wearing girl’s clothes, but felt a lingering urge to dress as a girl all the time. I saved some more clothes she was throwing out and found some pairs of panties with small rips in them. I gave into the urge and began wearing panties again, but limiting it to only those clothes she wouldn’t miss and not the ones in her drawer or closet. I foolishly felt I was in total control and could stop at anytime.

    Dressing up was no longer the innocent game and took a darker turn with the hormones of puberty. Instead of dressing up for fun, dressing up began with admiring the illusion of the pretty girl in the mirror I could turn into, but ended with masturbation. The pleasure didn’t last long and I felt sick and ashamed and dirty for doing that. I would quickly remove my makeup and undress out of my female clothing and worry about getting caught. A few times, I didn’t have time to shower and was worried my mom or sister would smell the lady’s perfume or girl’s deodorant I would wear. I tried to fight the urge to dress and was sometimes successful, but sometimes it was almost as if I had no control like I was possessed and what happened after I started dressing was a blur until I had finished. I had very nasty sexual thoughts while dressed as a girl that were thoughts I never had while dressed as a boy. Some of those nasty thoughts were about me being both the girl who was getting taken against her will as well as her rapist, and I would use my sister’s tampons on myself while masturbating to live out those filthy thoughts.

    It got worse after that with even nastier thoughts and actions that I shamefully was involved in. I didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone about what I was doing, because it was so nasty, and I didn’t fully understand why I was doing it myself. I knew I was sickened by what I was doing and what I had become. I threw out all of the female clothing I had and tried to stop.

    I was able to stop for several months, but the urge to dress never faded and only seem to get stronger along with thinking about shaving my legs. I fought those urges, and even had them my legs all soaped up a few times with a women’s razor in my hand, but stopped myself. My sister had gotten a few bottles of hair removing lotion to use instead of shaving, and I got a strange urge to have bare legs and quickly put it on my legs and under my arms one night on impulse. I left it on for several minutes, but then worried about the consequences of what I was doing to myself and filled the bathtub. By the time I had rinsed it off, it was too late and my hair was gone. If I would have used a razor, I could have stopped myself. I felt sick at what I had done, but it was done. Seeing and feeling my smooth bare feminine looking legs, I wondered what they would look like in a skirt and dress, and I was soon was completely dressed in my sister’s clothes. It ended like it always had before with me feeling ashamed and nasty. I had to wear long pants for a long time, so no one would see my bare legs, but using Halloween as cover, I went out dressed as a girl showing off my legs to people in an area I didn’t go to. Where I lived, I worried about getting caught again before my hair grew back, but there for some reason didn’t bother me as much. My sister saw me that night coming back home and told me great costume. I felt sick she had seen me dressed like that, but I didn’t stop. I continued crossdressing and got more female clothing and used her hair removing lotion again and shaved a few times.

    I purged all of my female clothing again and stopped crossdressing for a long time, but again the temptation was always there. And though it didn’t last, I felt better about myself when I was dressed in female clothes.

    The cycle repeated many times. Sometimes, I was able to limit myself to only wearing panties and girl’s socks under my normal clothes, but other times the urge wouldn’t go away until I had fully dressed up. Sometimes I would get other thoughts about starting on hormones to alert my body to look more like a woman, but I have been able to resist those so far and they have passed, but have returned several times.

    I hadn’t used illegal drugs, but I felt like an addict, and I still felt like it was something I couldn’t talk to anyone about. If I felt overwhelmed or depressed, I would escape into a childish game of crossdressing. I needed to grow up. The thought still comes to me sometimes that life would have been better for me if I was a girl instead, but I tell myself it would have been better if I would have never started crossdressing in the first place. I never was in control of the addiction and instead had let it control me.

    I searched for help to stop crossdressing, but most sites only help start or continue crossdressing.

    I was glad to find your site and its encouragement. I hope to be able to fully stop one day and no longer have any urges whatsoever. It seems like this crossdressing addiction is a mental issue, but with the nasty thoughts it has brought that I don’t think I could ever thought up myself, is a demonic attack as well.


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